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Over the past few weeks in particular, I’ve had quite a few readers tell me that they’re dating multiple people, something I find exhausting just thinking about it, but at the same time rather fascinating because I find that people give me all sorts of reasons for they do it: I’m just experimenting with dating. Remember how you didn’t like it when Mr Unavailable had a narcissistic harem of women he was dipping in and out of for an ego stroke? It’s where you discover the facts that will help you determine whether you should green light, date some more and potentially move into a relationship, or whether you should red light and abort the mission.Couldn’t you ‘experiment’ with one person for a few dates, see how it goes, and then move on? Do the people who you are dating know that you’re potentially wasting their time? As people no matter what they tell you, don’t always date for the same reasons, dating someone and getting to know them will let you determine through their actions and interactions (not just words and your imagination) whether you are two people on the same page with similar primary values.The biggest element of my quandary is deciding whether I should tell both girls about the fact that I want to see other people.If I do, it might work out better, but I could lose them both if they don't like the arrangement or if they find out if I tried to keep it from them.
I know how borderline insane that sounds, but I did that too when I was single: About six months after a long relationship ended, I dated two men, a professor and a crazy person, basically on two opposing sides of the spectrum, for about a month simultaneously. I knew I wasn’t serious about both, didn’t get hung up on either, and walked away bruise-free.I had another girl message me asking if I could come over during the weekend (which, ironically, was just an ex-coworker who wanted me to teach her some work stuff.Totally non-sexual.) Anyway, I keep my phone locked, but it shows notifications on the lock screen, and the girl I had over decided to look at my phone, read the message, and then left without saying a word.Eventually I got her to talk, she told me what happened, and we lived happily ever after.But the incident certainly taught me a lesson about protecting the content of my messages.